For me the sweet smell of spring this year brings with it a stale reality reflecting the cycle of life. Spring has always been one of my favorite seasons. A time to reflect on the mysteries of growth and new opportunity. When the earth lays dormant all winter and looks as though all existence is void, then with what seems like the blink of an eye it is alive and thriving with life. It lifts up my spirits and gives me a deep felt feeling that is both fresh and invigorating after a long winter. I love to see the first few tiny ferns peeking up out of the ground. The bladderwack on the beach begins to puff back up, getting ready to reproduce itself with each incoming tide. The deer begin to relax and know their food will be simpler to obtain, and the birds find it easier to survive. The brief moment between the break of a harsh winter and freedom of spring brings relief to most living creatures.This is where I find myself now, caught in this brief moment; looking back and looking forward. While I feel my mind lifting I feel a heavy weight upon my heart. It seems that within me it is more fall than spring. A time when things have lived a beautiful expressive season and then return to the earth to rest for awhile.
This spring has brought with it a time to lay to rest my best friend Horace. My valued friend of 14 years. I remember the day I picked him up as a puppy, the furriest little thing. Over the years his gentle soul has taught me how to share a bond between two spirits, of two different worlds. From Horace I have learned what trust is, and what the word loyalty really means. Loyalty means that there are no other options. That trust builds loyalty and vice versa. That in a world full of broken commitments and loose responsibities, I could believe in us- because he did. When I was younger than I am now, I couldn’t commit to anyone or anything and held responsibility at bay. Horace was a presence that I was able to hold close and I gave all that commitment to him, thus our bond grew infinite. He taught me other things as well; patience, understanding, compassion, pride and fortitude. Horace lived a stoic existence never expressing how much pain he may have been in. From 3 months old when he overcame his Parvo, to the plates and pins in his leg, to his magician acts of breaking through windows and squeezing through tight spaces, to jumping off balconies and piers; he was always there with a gentle presence. All of these things must have brought him tremendous pain and although treated, I wonder how much of it he was still left to feel. Anxieties in his mind made life hard at times- too stubborn to allow them to ease. But his tolerant nature led him to always be there to greet us all, there to sit by our side with his paw extended to say hello. Horace is a friend that I 
admire for so many reasons. He has been my closest companion for most of my adult life and the pain of losing him is settling in. Nevertheless, I know in my heart that his pain is much more than mine and that is why I am faced with this intricate decision.
Never have I tried to talk myself out of something or into something so hard. The inner struggle has begun to consume my waking moments and haunt me. The guilt I have begun to feel was absent until now even though I knew this day would come. Most all pet owners are faced with this situation at some time, but few verbalize the guilt. The thoughts are constant and many. My thoughts are stripped of purpose and then digested again to only come up with an opposite conclusion. One day I think he has a few years left, the next I accept that it is the right time. Up and down, back and forth. The magnitude of the situation can not be measured. It is beyond words and left only to feelings. This decision has brought with it a haunting loneliness. My emotions confused, there are no answers to the questions that I continue to ask myself. The changing of this season will bring both life and death. It is the cycle of life that reminds me that each life has a purpose, and that Horace will always be appreciated.
admire for so many reasons. He has been my closest companion for most of my adult life and the pain of losing him is settling in. Nevertheless, I know in my heart that his pain is much more than mine and that is why I am faced with this intricate decision.Never have I tried to talk myself out of something or into something so hard. The inner struggle has begun to consume my waking moments and haunt me. The guilt I have begun to feel was absent until now even though I knew this day would come. Most all pet owners are faced with this situation at some time, but few verbalize the guilt. The thoughts are constant and many. My thoughts are stripped of purpose and then digested again to only come up with an opposite conclusion. One day I think he has a few years left, the next I accept that it is the right time. Up and down, back and forth. The magnitude of the situation can not be measured. It is beyond words and left only to feelings. This decision has brought with it a haunting loneliness. My emotions confused, there are no answers to the questions that I continue to ask myself. The changing of this season will bring both life and death. It is the cycle of life that reminds me that each life has a purpose, and that Horace will always be appreciated.
Horace is such a unique dog that has touched so many lives. I admire him as a friend with a beautiful spirit and gentle disposition that has touched my life and shared with me a gift that will not be found again. His presence in my life has given me a purpose and confidence to believe in a relationship that depends on two creatures to give unconditionally to each other without question, knowing that love will always be returned. I have been blessed with the time that he has chosen to give to me. I am so thankful to Horace for sharing himself with me. In all our 14 years together his loyal character and friendship have never faltered.I will miss him dearly.
Horace~
The Wise One
The Guardian
The Wise One
The Guardian
A free spirit that sits on top of the hill with his face into the wind, contemplating what it is bringing to his senses and taking in the view of it all.
